Fennel Brown Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies

plus, the one piece of advice i would give my 20 year old self.

it’s never too late—full stop. of all the things i’d tell my early 20’s self, this is perhaps the most significant.

it’s funny how we think we need to have it all figured out. even from a young age, there’s a pressure to know ourselves—what we want, what we need—and to pursue that without any doubt for the rest of our lives. i was always told that i would go into law or medicine (hi immigrant dad! hi jewish mom!). i fought for a long time against this—dreaming up visions of myself on stage. but i felt uncertain, perhaps too young to make such a significant decision, or maybe just scared. the idea of pursuing a life in the arts felt to my parents like a death sentence. which, by association, really scared me into thinking it was.

years later, i found myself in school studying Linguistics in the hopes of becoming a Speech Pathologist. one day, during my junior year, i sat on campus and called my dad. i told him i wanted to switch my major to Media Studies. “i don’t know if i love linguistics. i don’t even know if i want to be a speech pathologist anymore.” he listened thoughtfully and somehow (with tact! and empathy!) convinced me not to switch majors. reflecting on this, it’s easy to see that many of my younger career decisions were fear-based and influenced by society’s beliefs about what was valuable and would offer security.

the pattern continued. well into my second month in graduate school, i called my (divorced) parents at 1am (i don’t recommend doing this) to tell them i wanted to drop out and… pursue blogging full-time. cue the hysteria.

“you’ve come all this way!”

“you’re 24 years old, how do you expect to support yourself?”

“think of all the energy it’ll take to start something new.”

and of course: “nobody can survive off of a career in blogging.”

i don’t fault my parents for the advice they gave me. while some may look at it as unsupportive—and in some ways, i guess it was—i know that my parents just care. they both grew up in financially disadvantaged households and paved their way to create and sustain the life they so graciously gave to me and my brother. their formula was simple, and all we had to do was follow it.

but this piece isn’t about them—and it’s also not really about my career. it’s about me giving you the advice i wish i had heard sooner: it’s never too late. to start a new hobby. to change course. to learn, grow, and surprise yourself. i’m happy i finished graduate school (despite disliking every second of it), but i’m all the more grateful that i found the confidence to leave a career that was, on the whole, leaving me feeling burnt out and sad. don’t get me wrong: the beginning was tough and scary—a learning curve i never thought i’d move past. but it instilled in me a profound truth: regardless of age, we always have the power to reinvent ourselves… or at least to push beyond our comfort zones.

and, hi! it doesn’t have to be something as serious as a career change. that’s not an option for all of us. maybe you explore this truth by cutting your hair, moving to a different city, or… learning a new language?! (seriously, the options for growth are endless.) i’m proud to report that my mom, at 68 years old, just took her first watercoloring class. and my dad, in his mid-60s, is learning to play the blues guitar. and side note: they now fully support my career change. (though i do get a phone call every time they see a drop in followers, lol.)

last year, unbeknownst to social media, i spent six months diving into the world of ceramics. last week, i took my first swimming lesson and began training for a triathlon. and earlier this year, i went all-in on becoming a better baker. the cookie recipe below took weeks of trial and error—and yes, plenty of taste-testing that would have terrified my early-20’s orthorexic self. the experience was frustrating at times and i talked to my brother-in-law for far too long about brown butter theories. BUT! i finally came up with a recipe that i feel proud of.

only i could take a cookie recipe and turn it into a hyper-emotional essay about my life. but if you’re reading this, you’re probably here for just that. without further ado!

Fennel & Pink Peppercorn Brown Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies